Guest Poem: The Lover’s Touch

The Lover’s Touch… by Diana Daffner

“The Lover asked:  How would you like me to touch you?

The Lover answered: Woman with sensual red lips and white rose

I would like you to touch me as if you were going away tomorrow, far far away, and you wanted to remember the feel of my body, the texture of my skin, the hills and valleys that make up the landscape of who I am…

I would like you to touch me as if you were blind, knowing that you love me, but unable to see me. Touch my face, my breasts, my belly, my toes… learn what I “look” like, imagine me in your mind as your hands explore my shape.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were healing hands, radiating love energy with every stroke. Feel the energy penetrating through skin, through flesh, entering into the cells of my body.

I would like you to touch me as if you gained your nourish­ment through your hands. Feed on me, drink deeply and draw from your touch the love that I hold for you.

I would like you to touch me as if you were feeding me through your hands, as if by your touch I am nourished and sustained. Every inch of me cries out for your touch, yearns to be fed.

I would like you to touch me as if your hand were a feather, lightly caressing the edge of my being.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were paintbrushes, and as you caress me, you are coloring me in brilliant, sparkling, dazzling hues.

I would like you to touch me as if you were erasing the outer me, allowing me to reveal my inner self to you.

I would like you to touch me as if you had carved a sculpture, and were now feeling its finish, smoothing out any rough areas, enjoying the finished product.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were fire, burning away the dross and leaving only the pure gold of my soul.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were sponges, soaking up the essence of my being.

I would like you to caress me as if I were made of dry clay, and by dampening my skin you enliven my spirit.

I would like you to touch me as if my skin were soft velvet.

I would like you to touch me as if you were a musician, and your touch brought forth different sounds from different parts of me.

I would like you to touch me as if I were a rare jewel, precious and valuable.

I would like you to touch me as if I were your Lover.”

Lingam Massage: Guest Article

Massage in Frankfurt, Germany

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How To Give a Tantric Lingam Massage, by Jennifer Lawless

I wanted to share this wonderful article on how to give a Tantric Lingam Massage.

“In Tantra, the penis is called the Lingam, which in Sanskrit can be translated as “Wand of Light.” A Lingam massage is a massage of the male genitals using a large variety of strokes and grips. The goals of the Lingam massage are to honor your man’s Lingam and to help him to expand his ability to receive pleasure.

The setting and your attitude are what make a Lingam massage a special experience for your man. Prepare a quiet, preferably dim, space with a bed, a futon mattress, or a blanket and pillows on the floor. The temperature in the room should be a little warmer than normal because you will both be nude. Lighting candles or an oil lamp in the room will keep the lighting subdued and also help generate heat. Your oils and lubricants should be within easy reach. Try to get spill-proof bottles and use plastic rather than glass. Make sure that you have a couple of hours where you won’t be disturbed.

Begin by breathing together. Stand or sit face-to-face. Embrace or hold hands, look into each other’s eyes, and breathe deeply into the belly. Continue looking into his eyes and breathing with him. If you find he is holding his breath, place your hand on his lower belly and remind him to breathe from that place, to “fill his belly” with his breath.

Next, have him lie face down and begin giving him a full body massage. After about 10 minutes, ask him to turn over, and then continue the massage. Advance the massage slowly toward the inner thighs and pelvis until he is breathing deeply from his belly and his body is fully relaxed.

Then, as a show of respect for his male power, ask permission to touch his Lingam. Simply ask, “May I touch your Lingam?” or, if he is more familiar with Tantric terms, “May I touch your Wand of Light?” If he gives you permission, pour a small quantity of massage oil or water-based lubricant on his Lingam and testicles. Rub the oil or lubricant into his skin, beginning at the top of the inner thighs and moving into the crease where his legs meet the pelvis floor. Using slow, steady motions. work along the connecting bone and muscles, releasing tension as you go.

Next, massage above the Lingam, on the pubic bone. Rock your hand over this place, feeling the bone beneath the muscle and skin. Then, move on to the scrotum, gently pulling and kneading his testicles. You will need to pay very close attention to his responses here and encourage him to tell you what is just right for him. Some men can’t stand to have their testicles touched at all, while others enjoy stronger handling. Start gently and slowly add pressure, rather than the other way around.

From his testicles, move your hand down to massage his perineum, sometimes called the “sacred spot.” Locate the small indentation, about the size of a dime, halfway between the testicles and anus. You can use downward strokes from his Lingam to his anus or a circular motion. Circle and pull at the tissues and gently push inward on the spot with your finger. Since the spot may feel painful at first, only increase pressure as much as he is comfortable with.

Finally, place your hand on his Lingam. As you massage the shaft, gently squeeze his Lingam at the base with your right hand, and pull up, sliding completely off. Then do the same with your left hand—squeeze his Lingam at the base, and pull up, sliding completely off. Then do this again with your right, then your left, and so on. After a while, change directions—slide alternating hands from the top down to the base. Then, take the Lingam between both hands and rub your hands quickly back and forth, as you wanted to start a fire. Hold his Lingam by the head and gently shake it back and forth. Thoroughly massage the head by cupping it in your palm and turning your wrist, making “juicing” motion (as if you are juicing a lemon). Move from the Lingam to the testicles to the perineum and back again, noting his responses.

If, at any point, your man seems close to ejaculation, slow your movements to reduce stimulation and let him cool down before beginning again. If he is very close, but not past the “point of no return,” you may be able to delay his ejaculation by squeezing the tip of his Lingam between your thumb and forefinger. Squeeze very firmly and hold it for about thirty seconds. Encourage him to take deep breaths while you do this. Moving to the sacred spot is another way to delay ejaculation. If he starts to feel close, decrease stimulation on the Lingam and increase stimulation on the sacred spot, which should help decrease the pressure to ejaculate.

If you hold back his orgasm six times, a tremendous amount of sexual energy will be stored, which he can either retain and circulate throughout other parts of his body or release. If he chooses to ejaculate, his orgasm will probably be much more intense than usual. Keep reminding him to take deep breaths even as he ejaculates. When the massage is complete, slowly remove your hands and allow him time to relax and savor the pleasure he has just received.”

The Bottom Line: Men also enjoy gentle, compassionate and erotic touch!

Stamina Builder

Male genital anatomy, showing the location of ...

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Tantra Stamina Builder

Orgasm and ejaculation are not the same. Both can happen simultaneously, but they are not the same. With a little bit of patience, practice, and discipline, any man can learn to have an orgasm without ejaculating. (Obviously, the rewards are well worth the efforts).

Once your partner becomes a Tantra man, he can enjoy the satisfying feelings of orgasm without losing his erection. 

Trust me, this creates a win-win situation….

You just gotta love Tantra!

Here are 3 Tantra Stamina Builders

  1. Perineum Pressure

    Pressing on the perineum (a spot midway between your scrotum and your anus) will help to stop ejaculation. How?

    Because this spot reaches through to the prostate gland. It is the prostate that contracts and expands during orgasm and then expels the ejaculation fluid.

    This can be done solo or you can ask your partner to apply this loving pressure for you.

  2. Testes Tug

    When a man nears orgasm, his scrotum rises up closer to his body. You can delay ejaculation by gently pulling your testes down and away from your body. Your partner can also do this for you.

  3. Passion Pump
  • Squeeze the PC muscles.
  • Rolling your eyes upward, touch your tongue to the roof of your mouth.
  • Visualize your sexual energy flowing up through your body while you practice controlled deep breathing (this is one of the most effective ways of delaying ejaculation).

The bottom Line: Take your time, have fun, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I also recommend testing this out while masturbating before trying it with a partner.

Soul Gazing

Soul Gazing…


I love it when you look me in the eyes. In fact, it is one of the many ways I enjoy connecting with you. I even like it when you kiss my eyelids one at a time. It is a beautiful way to express your affection. Somehow, when you open yourself and allow me to see into your soul while you are looking into mine, my whole body tingles in response….and we move beyond our bodies…into a state of true bliss and deep connection…into me see!

Thank you to Yab Yummy for this beautiful photo! For me, this picture truly captures the essence of a Tantric moment just after a wonderful soul gazing session…it is when we truly let go that we unleash the lover within….more to come on soul gazing before the end of the week!

Photo Credit:

A picture says a thousand words…

Guest Article…by Tanja Diamond

Tantra, With Your Clothes On

Author: Tanja Diamond

Tantra is like the black sheep of the family, she’s a really misunderstood being. Especially here in the west where we have bastardized the word to mean anything we want, but generally related to sex workers, or a type of erotic massage, or endless physical orgasm.

Tantra is a life philosophy, a school of thought, an intimate experience of your own body, soul and the universe. It is a solo practice especially at the start, and it is not a casual undertaking.

My definition of the concept of Tantra is: “Tantra is the ultimate love affair with yourself and all of your existence. In the process of igniting your internal flame, you come to experience all ordinary moments as extraordinary experiences. Immersed in that experience, you realize that you are the divine, there is nothing else to need or want, but that moment.”

Only 3 percent of Tantra is even related to sex. Yes, you say, but sex is the part you want to learn about.

Well here’s the thing. You can not have a truly spiritual sexual relationship with another until you have a truly spiritual life with yourself and others with your clothes on.

Most people are just plain getting it backwards.

Trying to be a master lover with technique alone is like being a mute singer. You may be able to form the muscles to make the sound, but no sound will be heard.

Most of Tantra is practiced with your clothes on. Even the extremely deep love making to another’s soul can be accomplished without being naked. That’s the beauty of learning Tantra, once you learn to utilize its principles you can do magick.

The endless orgasm and living in arousal that Tantra is famous for is really misinterpreted to be a physical response in the genitals when in actuality it is a full body, soul and divine ( God) experience.

Living In full arousal is experiencing living in the fullest expression you have as a human. It would be a sad thing for such an enormous expression to be so limited to only your crotch. That would be like the ocean only having one color, or a song with only one note.

Living in a state of full expression as a human is done by being dynamic, in all aspects of your range of emotional feelings and physical sensations. It has little to do with your head (simply a state of logic) or just pleasure in your lower body. Full body integration is a tough thing to understand in a world where we are so compartmentalized.

Our bodies, feelings, and souls are out of balance, and most people are leading with only one major expression at a time.

For example, every one knows that person with the soft touch. They tend to “fall in love” easily and never say no to anyone who needs help. They usually end up acting like a martyr because they are so out of balance. Then there is the cerebral person, who seems to posses no feelings, and makes all their decisions from logic. Usually this person seems cold and not very romantic (no heart), frequently they will have anger lurking beneath the surface from repressed emotions, once again out of balance.

The art of Tantra is way to rebalance the body, mind and soul. It is an exploration of self, and an opening to all the wonders that are in and outside of us, a way to connect fully with the universe.

Starting with the self you will learn to tune into your feelings, and physical sensations, learning to expand your capacity for both of these. Most of you are living a 2 on a scale to infinity in the amount of pleasure you can feel, both emotionally and physically.

Once you learn to expand in self you can start to look around with new wonder at all the things you have not noticed before. It is as if you are awakening to a new life, and new way of being, and you are.

Then once open to this path you will find you will not want to go back. You will want more and more of the full expression you are capable of.

From here you can start to experience the potential of loving in an entirely new way, physically and emotionally. Now all the techniques you know for love making are merely extension of your soul instead of physical manipulation. Just gazing at your lover with your clothes on will be more magnificent than any physical act you created before, ever was.

And that’s just the tip of the ice berg of the art form of Tantra.

Article Source:

About the Author

Tanja Diamond” The Tantra Teacher” is an international Sexual Intimacy Expert who’s mission is to teach people how to love each other better.
Visit her site for a free ebook and Mp3

Sensual Food Meditation

A cup of hot chocolate, with whipped cream, ci...

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Sensual Life Design…the perfect evening…

One of my favourite things to do is to melt some organic dark chocolate in a pot…then dip strawberries in chocolate and set them aside on a platter.

Then I like to prepare hot cocoa from scratch with cardamon, chile powder, a hint of ginger and a dash of cinnamon with cinnamon and organic cane sugar seasoned whipped cream on top sprinkled with a dash of cardamon….

The combination is simply divine, especially after a dinner of East Indian food with a glass or two of wine…Taking your time to cook food either for yourself or yourself and your lover, or preparing your most sensual meal with your lover in itself can be deeply sensual.

Make sure you buy high quality ingredients, take your time, while radiating loving and sensual energy into the entire meal and you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by how in touch and connected the process makes you feel.

With four kids, we don’t have the opportunity to do this for ourselves that often, but on birthdays and anniversaries, we make a point of including a food cooking ritual with glorious connecting communication, followed by our aphrodisiac desert, spicy chile hot chocolate and then a couple glasses of red wine.

We often spend half the day cooking together, then a couple hours enjoying the food and beverages we so lovingly prepared..then we might take a romantic walk and come home to share a Tantric massage and merge into a Tantric love-making session…From this example, you can see that Tantra is so much more than the act of massage or sex…it is about awakening your senses, enjoying life, and connecting with and pampering yourself and/or your lover.


Take a few of your favourite foods (chocolate, berries, other fruits, etc.) and cut them into tiny bite sized pieces. Place them in a beautiful pattern on a platter. Then sit in silence and each time you eat a piece of food, roll it around in your mouth while savouring the flavours, juices–take note of the sensations, your reaction to the flavours and any emotions that arise during the process.

Take a break between each piece of food and enjoy the sensual beauty, feelings of abundance and the inner joy associated with the art of eating. The French and Mediterranean cultures understand so much more about the art of pleasure through food than us North Americans.

Some Aphrodisiac Foods:



Chocolate arouses sensual feelings in your brain by stimulating your neurotransmitters. You can melt chocolate and dip strawberries or other delicious fruit in it to make a sexy treat…


Pine Nuts

The libido stimulating powers of pine nuts have been acknowledged since Medieval times. Pine nuts are rich in zinc, which is one of the keys to male potency. You can add pine nuts to baked goods and breads.



One of the oldest aphrodisiacs, just the scent and taste of vanilla brings about feelings of desire and arousal. You can add vanilla to coffee, desserts or other drinks to enhance your sensuality.




The Romans were the first to document the aphrodisiac powers of oysters. In a satire by Juvenal, he told of the wanton ways of women after ingesting wine and eating “giant oysters.” Oysters also resemble female genitalia, which adds to their appeal and intrigue.



Wine not only relaxes the body, it also heightens the senses. Sipping a glass of wine over a glorious meal rich with aphrodisiac foods while chatting and connecting with your lover is…well…all part of the art of Tantra!


Chile Peppers

In a number of studies comparing the sensual powers of various foods, chili peppers were found to be more effective than chocolate.



Just the aroma of cardamon can set your thighs of fire! According to How Stuff Works “Certain cultures deem it a powerful aphrodisiac and also claim it is beneficial in treating impotence. It is high in cineole, which can increase blood flow in areas where it is applied.” The Health Benefits of Cardamon…read full article


Week Three Check In

Hey guys,

Just wanted to check in and ask everyone to focus in just a bit. Wondering where you are Jeff and Deb?? If you could both just do a quick check in, that would be fabulous. Jeff, I’d love to hear from you privately or publicly to see how I can support you in moving forward this week and gain an understanding of what material would be most beneficial for you….I have a pretty good idea about Deb, Caroline and Farhana’s needs…would love to hear from you! 

From my heart to yours, Joy

The Power of Sacred Breath and Mindfulness

Aaron McKim fire breathing in Victoria Park, S...

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“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” – Hilary Cooper

“The average respiration rate for a person at rest is about 16 breaths per minute. This means on average, we breathe about 960 breaths an hour

…23040 breaths a day

…8409600 a year

If a person lives to 80, then that means on average they will take 672,768,000 breaths in a lifetime!”

As many of you know, there is a tendency in our rushed society to take shallow breaths that keep us in a mildly agitated or stressed out state. Believe it or not, one of the most important things you need to learn when practicing Tantra is the importance of sacred breath!
In so many situations in life, our breath, minds and bodies are running on auto pilot. When we aim to bring awareness and mindfulness into our lives, one of the most effective tools is the art of sacred breathing.
In the time you have been reading this post, how many breaths have you taken? How many conscious or mindful breaths have you taken today? The idea of taking a sacred breath is to simply focus on your breath…feeling your breath as it flows into your body and then feeling your breath as it leaves your body…
You may find that just the act of focusing on your breath provides a certain level of calm energy to enter your body…thus allowing your mind to follow suit and enter a calm state…
Or, you may find that it takes more effort. That is also fine. It’s all good! It is important to know that is not necessary to change your breathing patterns. It is not healthy to  interfere with the vital function of breathing. Instead of deepening or changing the natural rhythm of your breath, simply ease into awareness of it and let your breath flow while being present.

Being present is something that has come up several times during Tantra Bootcamp. What does ‘being present’ look and feel like? If I were to describe the moments where I am fully aware and present, it would be challenging for me to describe what it looked or felt like because I was simply in the moment with my breath.

The very first step in developing awareness is the act of conscious or mindful breathing…so, I’d like you to simply focus on the sensation of breathing…while focusing on the base of your spine. Feel the rise and fall of your breath…imagining that, with each breath you take, you feel even more deeply connected to your life force or sexual energy…if you have a good friend or lover…you can practice this together.

There are so many different ways to practice conscious breath together that I am leery of giving too much guidance, because this is your process. I want you to know what to do and then find the approach that works for you. However, I will share my approach, but then ask that you contemplate conscious rbeath and find an approach that works for you.

When I practice conscious breath with my lover, I simply place my hand (generally my right hand) on my lover’s chest and imagine that our breath facilitates a deepening of our connection…sometimes I look into his eyes, sometimes I send my heart energy through my breath…if I am feeling aroused, I send my sexual energy through my breath into his body…it is divine and not only allows me to feel connected to myself, it increases our connection…

Why Tantra?

Chinnamasta India: Rajasthan Eighteenth centur...

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1. Through Tantra, we can each connect not only with ourselves and our partners, but with the energy or ‘higher power’ we are connected to.

2. Tantra has the ability to provide us with a sense of inner peace and well-being that many of us are lacking.

3. Your orgasms will become more intense, more fulfilling, occur more often, and last longer.

4. By developing a Tantric connection with yourself, you will increase your connection to your own body.

5. Through developing a Tantric connection with your lover, even if you are your only lover, you will not only learn more about your lovers’ body, you will learn how to enhance the pleasure they/you experience.

6. Tantra tends to provide a sense of balance within, which creates a sense of calm while also unleashing passion in our lives.

7. Your union with your lover and the bond you have will increase, which benefits all areas of your life.

8. The exercises and rituals you will learn –yoga, kegel exercises, communication, heart connection, sacred sex techniques — will enhance your health.

9. Creating a sacred space for making love with yourself or your partner will not only provide you with an incredible space for making love, it will also provide you with your own sanctuary.

10. You will increase your pleasure, enhance your well being, improve your health AND have freakin’ amazing sex! Are we sold yet? Yes, yes, yes!